I'm Growing With The Land

I noticed that I haven't really been discussing my trouble and exploration on the "self" front. Most of my blogging has been directly related to trips I've taken, things I've done, and things that I have experienced. A few posts are random bits that I feel are important (Romney being a jerkstab) or mindless and fun (aka any article from The Onion.com). But I haven't talked about how I am changing inside.

There has been a lot of self-exploration, for lack of a better way to put it, about life philosophy, as well as my general purpose. What am I supposed to be doing? Why is this necessary? Does it really have to be this way? What else could I do?

Putting my graduate school applications in the mail two weeks ago was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I will confidently say that it was much more difficult, emotionally, to put them in the mailbox than all of the time, energy, and stress that was comes along with the whole process of writing statements, CVs, and applications. By dropping the applications in the mailbox, I was taking the first step in making what could possibly be a 5-year commitment.

I imagine that by next Spring most of my friends will have graduated or will be graduating. They will all be taking jobs in different parks of Kalamazoo, Michigan, and the United States. The few that remain will already be in higher education, or residents of Kalamazoo. But most will be gone getting real jobs, real wives/husbands, and money.

Yet I've decided to continue going to school, because if you don't go directly to graduate school, "You'll either get married or knocked up." It's just what I have been told, so I did it.

Funny how I followed the norm on that one.

But going against the grain is cool these days, so I have to go with the flow every once and a while to keep my cool and allegiance to the guild of defiance.

What could I do with an MA or possibly Ph. D in applied behavior analysis? Lots of stuff, really. I look at it as continuing my life experience. However, I could continue with my life experience by not going to graduate school, and moving out West like Paul and doing something (I don't know) other than being a slave to a university or educational institution.

There is no rule that says, "If you get a MA in behavior analysis you'll be stuck doing that for the rest of your life" so I continue with what makes me happy knowing that it's not forever.

Skinner was a failed novelist.

So think of it that way. These thoughts are all things that are helping me mold myself. It's coming, and I'll be sure to keep you updated 'cus dudes like me like to type characters and make words form sentences.